Saturday, 24 November 2012

I think I want you.

Well not you.  Not necessarily.

Just the banter, the flanter, the bouncing off each other (sometimes literally, hah).  The laughter, the jokes and the drunken kiss which I wouldn't let properly happen.

Unfortunately, it can't happen when it's you.

Firstly, you were with her.  And that's just... she went through a slut phase, which is fine, but it is a bit of a shame that that phase involved you.
Secondly, you're friends with him.  So if I went with you, I'd feel like I was being passed around.  I know it's not the case, but it's what I would think you 'lads' would say.. and I am so not down with that.

You just remind me of what I want; the flanter, the fun.  It's nice.

That then reminds me of what I want in the next person I'm with... I want them under my skin.  I want to be able to relax and joke around like that with them, but I want to care so much that I don't mind if I bend over backwards to make the other person... But I need the person to be willing to do the same in return.
Pretty similar to Henrik and I were, let's be honest.

I was talking to Becca about this the other day, yano.
We were talking about love and how you know if you feel it.  We decided that because we had to think about it so much, we didn't know what it is.
I now think that the person that sets your soul on fire is the one that you love.  And I'm not inclined to think that there would be many, if any, more than one of them.  I'm just so excited to find that person, to feel that fire.  I've still got a while to go, though..  I'm going to travel to Fiji this summer (if I can! I've applied for a VESA trip which would be amazing) then work and learn and expand myself.  Pleanty of chances to meet the man who'll set my soul on fire, and meet some others along the way of course.  The next one doesn't have to be the one, but I'd sure as hell like it to be soon.

I'm gonna have to be picky though, and go for what I want, and make sure that I say no when it's necessary.  Take my bartender, for example.  He asked me for a drink.  He's a lovely guy; I'm kinda in love with him anyway, but not in that way.  I adore him, but not as someone to have a relationship with.  His grammar is terrible and he still lives in Aber after many years.
I need someone who wants to live, to explore, and to take each adventure as it comes.  I need someone that I'll kiss spontaneously under the stars, someone who'd hug me better when I'm sad, someone who'd run a marathon just because they felt like it, or because they knew it would make me happy... And someone I'd do the same for.

I'm excited to find it, and that excitement makes me interested in not settling for anyone and just enjoying everything.

Be spontaneous; be beautiful; change the world. x

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